Category Archives: Relationship with God

Spiritual Surrender

The word “surrender” conjures an image of giving up, of raising a white flag and throwing down one’s weapons in a painful acknowledgement of defeat. In its spiritual application, however, it is an act of liberation, not defeat. Spiritual surrender is a posture of yielding to God. It is a giving up of our expectations of the universe, a laying down of our defenses that keep God at bay, an intentional dismantling of the structures we have built to control our life and circumstances, and a giving permission to be undone. Most of all, it is a posture of unconditional vulnerability before God. Allow me to make the case for how such a radical surrender can be liberating.

Control is the Opposite of Surrender

We invest our energies to control every aspect of our lives, those we think we can control and those we fool ourselves that we can control, each a territory we have to govern. Like a frantic parent, we try to keep all our children territories subject to us, compliant to our directives and wishes. This is a difficult task for anyone. We feel pulled in multiple directions and are sometimes overwhelmed by the responsibility. We can only relax when every territory has relative peace, otherwise we are stressed and on edge. This is the situation that Jesus addressed in Matthew 11:28 when He invited those who are “weary and heavily-burdened” to come to Him to receive rest.

When our white-knuckled grip on life slips, then we become subject to our circumstances or to other people, which puts us at the mercy of outside influence and unkind fate. We struggle to get our grip back, to reassert our control, and then we try even harder to solidify our control. It becomes an exhausting, uphill battle. We’ve been taught that this is just the way it is, the only way one can succeed at life. But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can surrender up this machinery and let God take over its operation, as He offers a completely different model for living.

The truth is that control is an illusion. We never really have as much control as we believe. Our lives and circumstances can spin out of control with just a little shove. Something happens we can’t foresee. Trusted people let us down. Bad fortune comes out of nowhere. We try to plan for all scenarios, but we are fooling ourselves to think we have it all covered because it is impossible to prepare for everything. And if we are scrambling to do it out of fear, then it is fear, not you, that is in control. Given that we can’t truly control our circumstances, I suggest that we stop trying. I’m not saying that we stop planning. I’m saying that we stop trying to exert control over our lives, that we stop trying to enforce our wills, that we embrace surrender instead.

A Definition of Spiritual Surrender

Surrender is the opposite of control. It is a letting go, in contrast to taking hold and dominating. I’m not suggesting that we surrender ourselves to our circumstances. That would be defeatist. Instead, we surrender ourselves to God, entrusting our circumstances to Him. Now, this surrender has many levels, mostly because we generally only surrender what we perceive to be already out of our control. People sometimes choose surrender out of desperation when they find themselves at the end of their rope, but desperation surrender usually only lasts until we find our footing again. Regardless of how we initially embrace surrender, it can be a starting point, but the path to peace requires a fuller surrender. This means that we surrender not just what is out of our control, but those things that we are fiercely and firmly controlling.

Surrender is not an apathetic giving up. Apathy implies that one stops caring altogether, that one ceases to value one’s situation. In surrender, we entrust what we care about to the guardianship of God. Surrender is a willful action, whereas apathetic giving up is an abdication of will, an abandonment of healthy self-regard, as nothing seems to matter anymore. With surrender, we choose to matter to ourselves, and we entrust our lives to God because our life matters.

Surrender is a state of being. It is not a one-time act. We continually relinquish our control and yield our lives to God, trusting Him with the reins of our lives, believing He is better equipped than us to manage our lives. For those who think that giving up control to God is foolish, I say that one must give God the opportunity to show Himself capable, instead of dismissing Him immediately. There is nothing that is beyond God’s capability. He is greater than our circumstances. However, God is not one to be controlled, so one must park one’s expectations outside the door, and let God be God in His own way and timing. Yet, God’s delight is to show Himself to those who seek Him (Matthew 7:7-8).

Jesus teaches that when we seek God’s kingdom first (Matthew 6:33), then the things that we worry about, the things that we try to control, will be taken care of by God. Jesus is challenging us to put God’s priorities first. Said differently, if we dedicate ourselves to what God cares about, to His priorities, then God will commit Himself to addressing the things we care about.

The Importance of Trust

Given that surrender is a releasing of control, it implies that we also relinquish our expectations, our need for predictability, our reliance on desired outcomes. We must, therefore, trust. Surrender without trust is terrifying. Taking little steps, we surrender and trust, entrusting to God what we have surrendered. In my book, Four in the Garden, Creator explains that “trust grows by trusting.” By choosing to trust, we grow in trust, until we can relax into our trust in God. It is then that we find peace in our surrender. It is then that we are liberated from the exertion and burden of having to control our lives.

Surrender is not only a state of being, but also a process. As we learn to trust, we find courage to submit more of our lives to God. We learn to surrender our priorities to His, our will to His, our agenda to His. We surrender our fears and insecurities in exchange for spiritual confidence in His ability to direct our lives, to nurture us even in the midst of hardship. Finally, we reach a point where we find the courage to surrender our very selves to Him, after He has nudged us lovingly to that precipice where we can step off that frightening cliff and discover that He will catch us and uphold us, even enable us to fly. It’s the familiar “push the bird out of the nest” analogy, but the choice is ours, the choice between staying where we are or trusting God more fully in willful surrender.

Choosing Vulnerability

Surrender requires vulnerability before God. Vulnerability is an intentional dropping of our defenses, a setting aside of our self. I think this is the hardest and scariest thing to do, but it’s the only way that God can get hold of us. When we make ourselves vulnerable, we give God permission to be God within our lives, giving Him the freedom to be real and the freedom to remove any obstacles that get in the way of that spiritual reality. Because vulnerability leaves us exposed, that is why learning to trust God is so important. As we risk trust, we find the capacity for surrender. If the risk feels too daunting, then we honestly admit our fears to God and ask Him for courage so we can trust.

The Liberation of Trustful Surrender

The liberation that comes from spiritual surrender is evidenced by the freedom from fear, the freedom from stress, the freedom from ultimate responsibility over our lives. Thus, we are free to live for God and for others, the burden of having to micro-manage our lives now in God’s hands. We still have to manage our affairs, but the weighty burden of that management is now lifted. Anything that we surrender to God becomes His, and by implication, His responsibility. So we can enter the rest that Jesus spoke of. He goes on to say in Matthew 11:30 that “His yoke is easy and His burden is light.” Trusting in ourselves is a weighty burden that we have to carry alone. When we put our trust in Jesus, then He offers to carry our load in exchange for His load, which is easy and light because it is rooted in love, grace, and humility, instead of control.

Questions for Reflection:

  1. Can you recognize the areas in your life where you are exerting the most control?
  2. Which area of your life do you think you might be able to surrender and entrust to God?
  3. What scares you most about surrender? How might you address those fears?

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Rick Hocker is a game programmer, artist, and author. In 2004, he sustained a back injury that left him bed-ridden in excruciating pain for six months, followed by a long recovery. He faced the challenges of disability, loss of income, and mounting debt. After emerging from this dark time, he discovered that profound growth had occurred. Three years later, he had a dream that inspired him to write his award-winning book, Four in the Garden. His goal was to help people have a close relationship with God and to share the insights he gained from the personal transformation that resulted from his back injury. He lives in Martinez, California.

For more articles, visit http://www.rickhocker.com/articles.html
Website: http://www.rickhocker.com
Email: rick@rickhocker.com

Religion Versus Relationship

Religion cannot nurture a dynamic relationship with God because such a relationship has to transcend the rigid structure inherent to religion. By its very nature, a dynamic relationship with God is fluid and growing and ever-fresh, whereas religion is a fixed blueprint for belief and behavior that confines us within its predetermined boundaries. You can have both religion and relationship, but religion alone doesn’t provide the impetus to propel you toward intimacy with God. That is a journey that requires you to break free from convention and to take risks that challenge your understanding of self and God. To do so, you must leave the safe realm of religion.

A Dynamic Relationship with God

Intimacy is a primary characteristic of any meaningful relationship. It is demonstrated by mutual transparency and vulnerability where we allow our real selves to be seen by the other. As we lower our guard before God and allow him to see us as we truly are, we allow his unconditional love to touch and heal our hidden selves. Eventually, we learn that God is a safe place for us to be completely honest and vulnerable, where we can courageously tell him our deepest fears and hurts. Intimacy works both ways. As we become real with God, God becomes real to us. James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” God wants to show himself to us, but we must take the first step to show him our real selves, flaws and all. Psalm 145:18 says, “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” If we hope to experience God’s nearness, God expects us to approach him with full honesty and no pretenses.

In my book, Four in the Garden, Creator says to Cherished, “We can only touch the outermost layer of your being that you allow us to touch. When you set aside those defensive layers, we can reach into your soul and inhabit the deepest part of your being. When deep touches deep, we can share in each other fully. Mutual disclosure is the basis for intimacy.” As is true for any relationship, self-disclosure promotes intimacy with God. My most profound interactions with God were times when I was desperate enough to be completely honest about my deep need for his help and healing, but also times when I made myself bare before him and relished the absolute joy of being fully seen and fully loved by him.

A Personal History with God

Another aspect of relationship is shared history. This is the sequence of shared events that describe the course of a relationship over time; the memories and markers that add meaning and value to the relationship. A dynamic relationship with God includes these markers. I’m referring to answered prayers, gut-honest conversations, moments of spiritual insight and discovery, sorrow over one’s failings, wrestling with God over things we don’t understand or don’t want to do, times of heartfelt prayer, experiences of awe and wonder, or any experience where we connect to God in a memorable or meaningful way. I call this a “personal history with God.” It’s important to build a personal history with God as that anchors us during times of turbulence, giving us something real to fall back on when doubt sets in. If we walk through life with God at our side, then we will encounter him regularly along the way, especially if we are open and expectant. These interactions not only help create a history with God but also promote growth as we learn more about ourselves and God through such events.

If we want God at our side, then we must invite him. Jesus says in Revelation 3:20, “I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” The picture described here is that of having a meal, a common activity where relationship occurs and is developed; an intimate setting where conversation and closeness happen. When we do invite Jesus into our lives, then he expects a place at the head of the table and we become the host that serves. He becomes the center of our lives and we step aside to let him run things as we trust him. It sounds scary to give our lives over to him. It took me weeks to gather the courage before I took that step, but I have learned, since that day, that he does a much better job of directing my life than I could ever do.

The Joy of Relationship

God is an expert at relationship. He created it. The members of the Trinity, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, have been in constant communion from the beginning. This model relationship is characterized by intimacy and joy. When Jesus was baptized, the Holy Spirit descended on him and a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” This intimate moment demonstrated the love and affirmation shown within the Trinity. Within this holy relationship, each gives and receives from the other, respects the other, and loves the other. Through Jesus, we are invited to participate in this communion where we can interact with all three and experience a taste of the intimacy and joy of holy relationship. In its most profound expression, the deep sharing and communion of relationship results in joyful delight experienced in the union of spirit, the embrace of unconditional and rapturous love, and the absolute trust in and surrender to that love. This joy is the hallmark of God’s triune relationship and is something that he invites us into.

Religion: Ritual, Repetition, and Requirements

We must beware the trappings of religion as they can suffocate our relationship with God. Ritual provides us with meaningful touchstones for our faith, but they can become hollow if they devolve into outward practices where we just go through the motions. Even friends and family have rituals, like opening presents on Christmas morning, but if the meaning is lost, then they no longer serve to enhance relationship. In our relationship with God, we must guard against going through the motions. When that happens, we need to find new rituals that instill new meaning for us and that foster deeper connection to God.

Regarding repetition, Matthew 6:7-9 says, “And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition like the Gentiles do, for they suppose they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. This, then, is how you should pray: “Our Father in heaven….” In these verses, Jesus warns against the impotence of repetition. In the following verses, he then goes on to teach us how we should pray. The first two words set the stage for relationship when he starts with “Our Father.” Unfortunately, people have turned this example into a static prayer instead of a guide for meaningful, conversational prayer. Notice that Jesus is teaching us how to pray, not what to pray. Repetition can make any relationship stale. Relationships require new input and fresh activities in order to grow. Look for ways to move beyond repetition in your relationship with God in order to keep things fresh.

Religion establishes requirements that direct us toward behaviors that please God. The danger here is that rules and regulations can breed either resentment or fear. We may become resentful from having to follow strict rules. Or we may become fearful of punishment should we fail to follow them. In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus says, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” When love is missing, then religion becomes a taskmaster and requirements become a heavy burden that brings no joy. The key here is relationship, where love can be fostered. We must focus on relationship over regulations. Focusing on regulations will smother love. When we focus on relationship, then love can bloom. When we cultivate a loving relationship with God, then we will want to do what pleases him. We would be like the psalmist in Psalm 40:8 who says, “I delight to do your will, O my God.”

An Eternal Relationship

Jesus says in John 17:3, “Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.” Jesus doesn’t define eternal life as living forever, as we would normally define it. Instead, he uses the relationship language of knowing God. He isn’t specifying knowing about God, but knowing God personally and experientially. In its truest sense, eternal life is being in relationship with God. This relationship is eternal because God is eternal and this relationship is life because God is life. By being in relationship with God, we are assured to live forever, because he lives forever. Those whom Jesus will reject will be those to whom he says, “I never knew you.”

Questions for Reflection:

  1. Since God knows everything about you, why is it so hard to be honest with God?
  2. Can you identify three important milestones in your personal history with God?
  3. Which area in your relationship with God is the most stale? How might you correct that?

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Rick Hocker is a game programmer, artist, and author. In 2004, he sustained a back injury that left him bed-ridden in excruciating pain for six months, followed by a long recovery. He faced the challenges of disability, loss of income, and mounting debt. After emerging from this dark time, he discovered that profound growth had occurred. Three years later, he had a dream that inspired him to write his award-winning book, Four in the Garden. His goal was to help people have a close relationship with God and to share the insights he gained from the personal transformation that resulted from his back injury. He lives in Martinez, California.

For more articles, visit http://www.rickhocker.com/articles.html
Website: http://www.rickhocker.com
Email: mail@rickhocker.com